Dear Diary,
Today I saw a boy. And I wondered if he noticed me.
jkjkjk.
Okay not really jk. I really DID see a boy, but I'm pretty sure he noticed me??? I am just returning from my trip to Moscow to see my poor, hopeless brother Stiva to right another wrong of his. He is a dope, such a dope, and sometimes I really can't understand how men think. He is the greatest of brothers, so sweet and loving, but I guess there is no way to "dip your pen in another woman's inkwell" when it comes to your sister. Really, Stiva and I haven't had any sort of drama since we were children and he might have been a bit of a brat about the toys or greedy for the governesses or mother's attention, but really, not even a tiff since then. How is it, I wonder, that one's spouse is so vulnerable to all that is inconsiderate and selfish about that person, when all other members in that person's life remain basically untouched?
Seems like I'm setting myself up for a great fall by asking that question. Back to the boy at hand. So, I arrive in Moscow with the intention of patching up my brother's marriage. I descend the train after chatting for quite a portion of the ride with the Countess, who was perfectly amicable company.
As I walked off the train, I noticed an officer looking at me. I returned his gaze and we exchanged A Significant Moment. There was such an unexpected spark between us, I simply had to look away! I thought nothing of it, though I was smiling because of it when I saw Stiva. Yeah, I still got it. And I thought there wasn't harm in it anyway, since I'll never see him again.
That came to bite me in the ass. It turned out that the man was Alexei Vronsky, the Countess' son. We were reintroduced and the whole time, I felt bashful around him, as though I was trying to impress him or something. When he gave the grieving widow at the train station money, I was thinking, was he trying to impress me too? But no, I thought, that can't be, he knows I'm married and he is involved with Kitty! But still I kept coming back to that... is he into me?
Up until right now, I thought maybe Vronsky's interest in me was entirely out of politeness. He's a handsome man with a full set of teeth... he probably is charming towards all ladies, whether they're single or not. That's just probably how he is. I thought that even though we talked so much during the ball and caused (I'm pretty sure) Kitty to become upset. But then... he followed me to Petersburg. What does this mean? At this point, there can be no misunderstanding. Is he... interested in me?
I feel awful even asking that question! My stately husband who would never stray from me like Stiva has... my clever Seryozha with his fat legs! But goddamn, do I want it.
Love,
Anna
No comments:
Post a Comment