PART IV: Baby One More Time

Dear Diary,

I have a baby girl! I have named her…DRUMROLL please…

…

ANNA!

Isn’t that such a beautiful name?!

So much has changed since I last wrote to you. Basically, Alexei is no longer pretending like everything is ok! Living with him completely sucks…he’s such a hypocrite, he was pretending that we’re still together. Seriously, he was only lying to himself...But Stiva convinced Alexei to grant me a divorce. We’ll see how that goes.

So lately there have been so many awkward encounters, you have no idea. …Vron-Vron ran into Alexei when he was coming over to see me!!! UGH, the whole point was for him to see me when my “husband” (hah!) wasn’t going to be around! But seriously, why Is it so hard to see Vronsky …Anyhow, that rendez-vous with Vronsky wasn’t so great. I feel like such a Debbie-Downer, but I don’t see how this situation is going to get any better. The more and more I think about what’s going on, around me, the more I depressed I get.

Even Alexei….my goodness, what did I ever see in him?! A man, a leader, a lover? He’s none of those things! Those who claim to respect him must surely be joking, I think the whole world is just mocking us! Alexei has no real control, but then again, I don’t really either. He just fails at everything! Why can’t I find people who can simplify my life, not complicate more than it already is?

Life just sucks right now. This baby, oh how I pity the baby! Do I have the energy for her? Do I have the love? I don’t know if I can go on like this anymore…

Stiva came to our home, we got to catch up a bit. I can’t believe I told him how I can’t stand Alexei. I don’t know if I should’ve done that…did I just burn more bridges? Stiva understands the issue I guess…he sees that we were never really in love. I’m glad we talked, I really need to disentangle my life.

But actually now Stiva and Alexei talked, and Alexei will give me a divorce so maybe it’s a good thing I told him how I feel. It’s like Alexei is finally seeing that I’m not that into him. WOhoo!!!!!!!!! Of course Vronsky came to see me and rejoice at the news! I really love him, I do I do I do!

Ok well Vronsky and I are going on a trip so I’ll write about that soon.